It's me (Alyssa) again. I am in town by myself today because Matt is sick with a nasty head cold. These past few days have been really rough, particularly yesterday (I cried four times). Being away from home and the familiar is just starting to wear on me. When I am busy with work (which I haven't been now for a month), I am distracted and feel like I have a purpose. When I have nothing to do, I question why I am here and not at home with my handsome little nephew (and the baby on the way). It is tough to explain, but the way of "getting things done" is very different from America and follows a complex hierarchy system. Basically, you need a lot of cooperation from all participants and, most importantly, approval from the proper chain of people, or you are completely stuck. Unfortunately, a lot of 'educating' about our purpose of being here (improve the capacity of the people here and cultural exchange) needs to be done. Often times, people think we are here to hang out or bring them money. I feel very discouraged right now, so that's all I will say about the matter.
On a positive note, these are the best things/people that I have experienced while here:
1. My friend Vika and her mom. Vika will help me with any project for kids or youth and just wants to hang out with me. Her mom talks to me in Fijian and includes me on crafts and random activities, sort of like a mom away from home.
2. Matt's friend Manasa. It sounds cheesy but Manasa being around as a true buddy for Matt is one of the things I am most grateful for in this whole experience.
3. Manasa's son Semi. He is three years old and (unlike a lot of other kids) he doesn't think anything much is different about me or Matt. He just acts goofy, smiles and genuinely makes me happy.
4. A complement by a women visiting her sister that I am very quick to learn how to speak Fijian. To speak Fijian is not like learning to speak German or Spanish. It is nothing like English and there are not countless pieces of literature to help you learn it. The only way to really learn it is to talk with people and find anyway possible to commit it to memory. To me, this is very intimidating.
5. A comment made to me by a man from a neighboring village. To paraphrase, the man told me how it must be very hard for me and Matt to be so far away from home and that he respected what we were doing. Often times, I feel like I can't bear another minute of being stared at as the 'keivaligini' (white person) and for him to step into my shoes and sincerely appreciate that is something I will never forget. Just writing about these things is almost making me cry yet again.
Indeed, I will survive and probably by my next post will be happy as a clam. But for now, I am learning important lessons. I am learning that it is so important to see how people are more the same than different, make others feel welcome and like they belong, celebrate and truly be interested in the differences in other people and see how other ways of living are good, too. These are simple concepts but it seems that every group of people (including me) needs to remember over and over again to put them into practice. Peace out y'all.
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HEy Alyssa - it sounds like you have some great things going for you over there and some tough things as well. ALl are things that I am sure you will carry with you and reflect on for the rest of your life. You are doing great and the fact that you want to think about things such as the work you are doing and make it better just shows your determination and drive to make an impact there. SOmetimes these programs send you off with a mission but don't necessarily give you the materials and resources to complete that mission - and i am sure that is especially hard to do in a culture so different than ours. I'm proud of you! - Maggie
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa - You know that your experience is normal. When you come back and talk with other RPCVs you will have this in common no matter where everyone has served. You will wake up tomorrow and something great will have happened or something will make you laugh. I'm glad you made a list of the good things that are happening. Down time is hard. When you can't focus on the first goal remember that you can always focus on the other two cross cultural ones - the cross cultural ones (language, write down what people do from day to day - you will forget later, write down what you did, etc., make lessons on Fiji culture that you can share when you get back). I have to do that myself. I'm looking forward for the teachers coming back next week and school starting the following. I have down time now as well and not having friends yet in the city yet makes it hard. Another volunteer is encouraging me to write down the little stories I tell him, even though I thought it was nothing. Probably a good idea. This is an experience that you and Matt will forever look back on fondly. It definitely has its ups and downs. There is a volunteer in my group who is 69 years old and served in Colombia in the early 60s. He's constantly bumping into people that remember past Peace Corps volunteers who were teachers or doing other work in their communities when they were young. You are teaching kids there even though you may not realize it.
ReplyDeleteHi Liss, I know exactly how empty it can feel sometimes - you like and need to be productive - its in you blood. This slow holiday time is letting you in on the culture more and with a friend like Vika and her mom, the Fijan will somehow sink in and you will 'hear' it and speak it. You'll still be white but hopefully people will see you more like Semi does. I can't pretend to know what its like there, but I do know you: You care so much that it sometimes hurts. I love you very much. With Matt at your side you can do anything -- dad
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